Grocery Store Dreamed 4499 days ago | | 529 words

The bain of my existence. I hate going to the grocery store. There is no good time to go. There is no way to “just run in an pick up a few things.”

First, let’s consider what I call the “Food Lion Phenomenon.” Growing up in Berryville (tiny two-stoplight town in rural northern Virginia), we had a Food Lion, eventually.

Whenever you’d go to this mecca of foodylicious consumption (compared to the “Super Fresh” we used to have), you could shop for anything, at any time. It was the only thing in town that was open 24 hours, save a gas station or two.

Which was great.

Until you tried to pay for your food.

No matter what time you went to the store. No matter how many or few people there were, it took forever to pay. There were 10, maybe 12 checkouts open but there were always maybe 1 or 2 cashiers working.

I’ve never understood the idea of having all those potential places to pay for food. And no way to use any of them. Resulting in long lines, annoying waits, and the undying need to just leave your cart in line and just leave. There is no hope for actually paying for it, so just give up now!

And don’t even get me started on the “self-checkout” options provided by some retailers.

This is a great system, again, assuming you’re smart enough to actually use the system! That’s all I can say about that without foaming at the mouth.

The next thing I’d like to rant about is the bagging. Now, I used to work as a bagger (at that very same Food Lion in Berryville) back a million years ago. I understand that certain people want things bagged in certain ways. Some people like lots of bags with little food. Some people like you to stuff all their food in as few bags as possible. And some people just don’t care.

Now, I am one of those, fill-em-up-stuff-it-in type people. Last night I went to a certain grocery store here in Richmond that should remain nameless, but is not open on Sundays.

I bought five items. Let me be clear, that is five (5) one full hand worth of items.

The list is…

Small trip. The lettuce was for Jamespig and the rest was for me, mainly breakfast food.

Now, please explain to me how this was bagged…

OK, ready? Here is what I received.

Now, I can follow the logic here. Bag 1 contained the bagels and bagel chips together since they’re like cousins, once removed. Put them together in a bag. They’ll play nice. All fine and dandy. Moving on…

Bag 2 held the banana bunch and the heads of lettuce. Again, both plants. One fruit, one vegetable. They’ll not bicker. The plants can live in harmony.

Now, here’s where bag 3 comes in to play and confuses me. Bag 3 contained the apple cider.

Apple Cider! This devious, mischievous beverage of peril must be sequestered all alone, away from the other foods.

I. Am. Confused.

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