Success Dreamed 4666 days ago | | 995 words

What is success? What does it mean to you? Am I successful?

Quite honestly, I don’t feel like it. I feel like I’ve failed. Miserably. Being happy and being successful. Those who know me are probably going to beat me over the head with a pipe and see if there’s anything in there. But that’s how I feel.

I am 25. I’ve graduated college. I’m working two jobs. Both pay well. I am an Electronic Printing Manager at AlphaGraphics, where I also manage the online ordering system for our largest clients. In addition, I perform routine and non-routine technical support operations on Macs, PC, routers, cable modems, printers, and anything in between which can find new and exciting ways to break. Have you ever gone into a large printer with a pair of tweezers to extract paper from a roller?

My second job is a 20 hour per week affair with Virginia Commonwealth University, specifically, the student media. I am the student media webmaster. This means I am responsible for maintaining and update the web sites for the following.

The Commonwealth Times, the student newspaper published twice a week.

WVCW, the student-run radio station, updated weekly.

I hope to work more with Poictesme, the literary magazine, The Vine, a multicultural-focused magazine, and Amendment, a women’s issues publication.

I am actively engaged in a top-down overhaul and redesign of the Commonwealth Times’ site and the creation of a Student Media site for the university. This new site will be a hub for student media information for all the media groups at VCU.

When I got to VCU in the fall of 2000, I was very interested in the literary magazine, since I had already been designing and writing for our high school’s award-winning publication for 4 years prior. During the campus tours and orientation events, I asked around for information and was met with many blank stares and stumbling replies. So I tried the campus newspaper, the same. Everyone was pretty sure VCU had one, but could offer no other information.

The new student media site will function as an informational starting point for new students to the university who are already interested in the media and wish to find out more about them. I want new students to be able to easily transition from their high school mediums to college and continue doing the work they were doing. There is nothing worse than a huge gap in between then, as I found when I entered VCU.

As if that weren’t enough, I am trying to get the word out about my band, Splintered Reality. We just released our first album, after nearly 5 years of writing and recording between myself and Rick Wise, one of the most brilliant musical minds yet to be discovered. We are hoping to get some gigs planned in the coming year, as we assemble a full band. We are also working on some remixes of the album, and some new material, because 5 years of writing makes for a lot of good music yet to be released. Check out the web site or search for us on iTunes and Rhapsody. (I’d put direct links if I knew how). If there are any musicians out there who would like to remix any of our work, drop us a line at the myspace site or just email me directly and we’ll get you hooked up.

As if that were not enough, I co-founded a small web design firm with my close friend Chris Booker in 2004. Digital Ink has slowly grown with the ups and downs we had with a certain client who shall remain nameless. We have a couple of interesting projects on the horizon and hope to bring them to fruition soon. If you’ve got a web site that needs designing or redesigning or perhaps you’re looking for hosting for an upcoming project, drop us a line! We’re very reasonable and will work with you.

I also keep the Chad Miller Tribute Site up and running. Chad Miller, who went by the name todeskampf on Livejournal put our music under that name as well as mAUDLIN rHAPSODIST, Nancyboy Switchblade, Amerikan Slave, and most recently, Clinical Torment. Chad was an amazing musician that I have no doubt would have gone onto become very, very famous if he were not tragically murdered in 2004. Keep his music alive and share it with your friends. We’ve got a gig of it sitting at the site, as well as an active message boards of friends, family, and fans.

So, am I successful or spreading myself too thin. I am a jack of all trades and master of none.

I want to do everything. And do it well.

Financially, I would say I am successful. I have plenty of money coming in, in regular intervals no less. I have enough work to keep me busy for years, and my positions at said companies and jobs is stable and will remain so until the time comes when I choose to move on.

On any sort of moden scale, I guess I am a successful young guy.

But what does it all add up to at the end of the day? Where am I when I get home at night (or early morning)? What do I have, besides blood-shot eyes, perpetual insomnia and exhaustion.

Do I have someone to share my life with? At the end of the day, who do I come home to? (At the moment, James the guinea pig who is a wonderful companion in ways only a guinea pig can be). Do I have someone soft to share a bed with or lay next to at nght? I do not.

I have a cold, uninviting bed to retire to each night, or early morning. I am lonely. This assumes I do eventually retire to bed.

Money cannot buy happiness. Work will just make you overtired and reclusive.

Well, I am a well-known recluse, and that is another topic for another time.

So, am I successful?

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