Neglect and Change Dreamed 6505 days ago | | 1020 words
I’ve neglected a lot of things in the past few weeks. And a lot of things have been changing and happening. All for the better.
Sleep
Sleep has fallen by the wayside like a required summer reading book. It’s simply not high enough on my list of important things.
Talking to Annie is too exciting. It has been exactly a month since we started dating on Aug 10, 2007. And it’s been about 38 days since we met for the first time and already we feel like we’ve known each other forever. We’re so similar, and yet so different. But we agree on a lot of the big topics and are honest and open with each other.
I feel like I am meant to be with this girl forever. Through thick and thin and everything the world can throw at me.
She stops my brain at night. Stops the thoughts that used to sneak into it and torment me. She shuts it down and slows my pace so I can rest (when I’m not talking to her til dawn).
I missed her before I knew her and loved her before I felt like I should be. We’re going on a road trip this weekend.
First, I’m driving to Blacksburg to collect her from VA Tech. Then off to Raleigh for the weekend. She’ll get to meet Rick, my best friend from Berryville and see my band play.
I’m excited to have the two people that I swear I’m linked to on a higher plane of communication in the same room at the same time.
In short, it’s absolutely amazing. However, I really need to find a way to stop talking to her. Staying up until 3am everyday (or later, last night was 4:30) is not doing anything for my sleep or consciousness in the morning.
This Site
I’ve been neglecting this poor site. I had the new design well into the final stages (far past that screenshot) and my hard drive died in my Macbook. Then I was redesigning it again and just lost the inspiration.
I keep going back and forth with how I want to present this site. Part of me says rock a Tumblog feel with smaller bits and pieces. The other part of me wants to maintain a more traditional site.
One thing is for sure. I need to work in a way to add more pieces of myself to this site. Right now, it’s so 1-dimensional. It needs to reflect who I am fully and honestly.
I need to get back to work on that, so I can have a site I can really be proud of and please with.
Then I need to finish the Church of Misanthropy redesign and cleaning up so the site can be easier to use to do Chad justice. Rest In Piece.
I’ve got another site design and idea that I’ve been kicking around for a few years that might finally come to fruition sometime soon. I’ve been making major headway with the design and the code is finally starting to match what I’ve seen in my head.
The Writer and Poet Within
The writer, the poet, the photographer the freak. That guy who used to cover his shows in colorful sharpies. The guy who would write and let the words flow onto paper. I don’t know what happened to me, but ever since I came to college that part of me had taken a back seat.
Recently, I’ve gotten back in touch with an old friend and with this new source of inspiration in my life I am finally starting to write again.
I’ve gotten a song written and recorded last time I was down in Raleigh and hopefully I may be able to finish and record another one if the words continue to flow.
But even more than just the band, I need to write for me. I enjoy writing. I love to write and I need to do it more. Whether it’s public or private. Blog-worthy or just pure stream of consciousness release. Writing is part of my therapy. It’s how I get out what’s inside. Which has the side effect of much of my writing being very dark. But also beautiful in the same way The Crow is an absolutely gorgeous movie.
I’ve been published in numerous anthologies years ago when I was in high school. I still have many of those tomes. Filled with tons of work by students all over the country that I am a part of.
I need to find my words again.
Leaving the past behind
Megan has inspired me. She was going through a lot of old boxes she diligently moves from apartment to apartment without ever unpacking. In the process she found some old literary magazines and shared them with me.
This got me to thinking about all the old magazine and notebooks and things I keep lugging from place to place. It’s time to go through the boxes. It’s time to leave the past where it belongs, behind me.
Not to say there aren’t good memories there and those will stay. But there’s a lot of clutter and unnecessary odds and ends that could do well to join a landfill, not my closet.
Reinvention
Life is so exciting and new right now. I feel like I’ve gotten out of the funk I’ve been in. It’s been confirmed by… pretty much everyone I’ve known for a few years and a few that I’ve only known a short time but are very much tuned in to people, me included.
I think they’re right. The archives of this site will attest to past insecurities and sadness. However, I think that is changing and hopefully for the long term.
Maybe it’s Annie’s doing (as I suspect it is). Maybe it’s having someone to share the excess love with that I’ve been keeping in cold storage. I don’t know, but I feel like a new person.
A lot about my outlook on life has changed since I met her and it astounds me how much influence one person can have on your life.
This has been one wild ride and I’m excited to see where it goes next. So hang on to your hats. Here we go!
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